ℝ𝕖𝕤𝕚𝕝𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕖. – ℂ𝕝𝕒𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕤𝕒 𝔾𝕝𝕒𝕤𝕤𝕖𝕟
I am resilient. I fight back when I feel myself starting to
It’s not hard to sink too deep It’s not hard to feel as though you’ve sunk deeper than you actually have
It is hard to find the will to try and swim while you are nearing the bottom You don’t try to fight it until you realize your life is on the line
Then, there is nothing more important than getting back to the surface
So you let go of the thing that was making you sink
and try not to grab back onto it, even though letting go was one of the hardest things you’ve ever done
And you start kicking as hard as you can, all the while thinking what you could have done to yourself, thinking about the nothing that you were about to become
when your face breaks the water’s surface, when you take the first ragged breath of air, when your screaming lungs are finally filled, when you wipe the water from your eyes and find that it is mixed with tears, when you see the world without the the ocean’s depth distorting your vision,
you know that you will do anything it takes to never drown again
𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐮𝐬 – 𝐀𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐚 𝐑𝐚𝐟𝐚𝐭
We are strangers who said hello. We became friends and got along; been through a lot and stayed together. How cliché it sounds yet it’s true. The bad habits never left us. It was always there. ‘You changed’ he yelled every time. That never happened, it was all in my head. Got together and changed more. We blamed and crushed one another with our words, not fearing what’s next. He pointed me out every time and flipped the situation and made me the bad guy. How guilty I felt and apologized. ‘You changed’ he added. I cried all night trying to fix it. One morning I woke up and decided I’ve had enough. Leaving everything behind and taking a deep breath. He said you never loved me. Oh dearly I did and you used it all along. It was never me and always you. The bad habits you promised to leave and never did. It made you change and blaming it on me. It made you a person i never thought you could become. I cried and cried and you did too claiming “You are my friend and all I have”. “You should’ve treated me like one” I said. The difference is that we never looked beyond and saw ourselves, only pointed and crushed each other down.
𝐵𝓇𝑜𝓀𝑒𝓃 𝒲𝒾𝓃𝒹𝑜𝓌𝓈 – 𝒥𝒶𝓈𝓂𝒾𝓃𝑒 𝒟𝑒𝓈𝒾𝓇𝑒𝑒
my lights are on
but the door is locked.
he picks the lock and he enters
my home, an intruder
don’t you love me? he says,
this is our home.
because sometimes the door is open
and I’ve laid out the welcome mat
and I’ve painted the door a cherry red
sometimes I’ve raked all the leaves
and I’ve carefully planted red roses
where the wildflowers were
I am always repairing, restoring, remodeling
I am a renovator skilled in her trade
what else can you be
when your windows are always broken
ℑ𝔫𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔲𝔢 – 𝔄𝔩𝔢𝔵𝔞𝔫𝔡𝔯𝔞 𝔎𝔬𝔰𝔩𝔬𝔰𝔨𝔦
ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛꜱ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴀ ᴄᴏʟʟᴇɢᴇ ɢɪʀʟ – ᴀɴᴏɴʏᴍᴏᴜꜱ
Some may say that there is no limit to the amount of love you can give out which may be true. Since coming to college, I haven’t loved my friends from home less, while loving my new friends at college. However, spending quality time with someone is how I show/ feel love and time is finite. Sometimes, a new person comes into someone you love’s life and they wanna spend a lot of time with them and it is likely that it cuts into the time they spent with you but that doesn’t mean they love you less! They love you just as much as they did before! Just because their time is limited, their love isn’t.
𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 – 𝐄. 𝐋.
I once heard a song
That proclaimed the future is forever
And while this may be a valid statement
I look at the pavement
Wondering if I cross this street
Will I die
And I see the seasons change
And with it
I see me change and age
And though I’m only but 19
I see the inevitable death is before me
I imagine a world without those I love
And my tears rain down
Like they are from heaven above
And my heart begins to drown
In this flood
And it takes me an hour
To mop it all up
But the scenarios I think up
Haven’t yet occurred
But my fear of them
Is constantly stirred
One night my father told me
He thought he would die young
And he’d miss the next eclipse
Because by then he’d be done
And my mother says
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
And it hits me in my heart
Because I know she’s not wrong
And my grandmother always gives me
Her jewelry now
She says so she can see me wear it
Before her time runs out
And my sister
I see her grow before my eyes
She’s almost seventeen
But I still think of her as five
And my brother is twenty three
And I am nineteen
And I see myself
Changing before me
And I don’t want to die
But more than that
I want everyone alive
But the world must go on
And so must the show
And if we’d stay forever
Then we wouldn’t know
We wouldn’t recognize
Where we were
Because time had occurred
And the world in which we built our lives
Will no longer exist
Even if we are in
Time is fleeting
And our hearts keep beating
And the future is
We just won’t always be in it
I hope my time will be
𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐧 𝐄𝐜𝐡𝐨 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 – 𝐒𝐡𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢 𝐆𝐨𝐬𝐰𝐚𝐦𝐢
my legs turn to roots, movements emptying.
my mind is yours,
you spent years training me to speak
so long I cannot remember if these words
are my own creation
or a reflection of you.
without you I can’t
help but wonder,
how should I live now?
I am too afraid to run
and yet I crave it every night,
to be without you.
I could never hate you
and I can never tell you how I feel
like a leaf on a much bigger plant
unable to see its full potential
and unable to dream.
if I am you, are you me?
and do you feel the world moving too fast
or too slow?
I am unsure of your answer to every question
and I don’t know why I wait around for you
to change your mind about me
I am not the kind of person to sit still and watch
you pick and choose my moments
so I have made a decision today
to become brand new
and if I let you go I will
remember how good it feels to leave
I will dig myself back up
from her place, buried under your feet
where we both know she lives,
and I will learn her again.
𝚋𝚞𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚕𝚢 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚌𝚊𝚗’𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛. – 𝙰𝚖𝚎𝚎𝚗𝚊 𝚀𝚘𝚋𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚢
I find myself forgetting.
Is it lady bug or lady bird?
Globalization or gloablisation?
02/28/2019 or 28/02/2019?
I find myself forgetting.
Did my roommate buy these lights?
What shirt did I wear last week?
Was my French assignment due last night?
I find myself forgetting.
Did my bare feet really burn on the pavement?
Was her laugh so wide you could see her gums?
Did my sister steal a tin of Care-Bear mints?
I find myself forgetting.
Was my first kiss behind a curtain?
Or under a table in a hotel?
Beneath a palm tree near my home?
I guess I’ll just say lady bug, and stumble a few times.
I’ll write “globalisation”, cross it out and put a z instead,
I’ll just use February 28th, 2019,
And agree when my roommate says she bought the lights.
My memory is mine,
The only thing that’s mine.
Even these words as they fall on this page
Extract themselves from me,
And become yours or theirs or anything but mine.
You can’t tell me who my history teacher was,
Or what color my first crush wore on non-uniform days,
If my mom really did lean my head back to look at the trees,
How many IGCSEs I took…
But perhaps you can remind me
What the desert sun feels like
On an open face.
𝔹𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕟 – 𝔸𝕡𝕣𝕚𝕝 ℤ𝕒𝕟𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕠
One may assume you are inflated solely with oxygen, but your transparent film shelters an element of boundless serenity. When you float above me, the emptiness within me dissipates and I am full of passion and exhilaration. I am in awe of the way you soar fearlessly through the sky, complimenting even the darkest of clouds with your grace. In time your ribbon gradually loosens, liberating itself from the tight knot around my hand. I helplessly wrap you around my entire figure, aware that I am delaying the inevitable. You were destined to slip from my foolish fingers and drift into pools of misty gray and white. I chased after you, climbing every tree and every tower, desperate to reach you. The sun followed you, deserting me in a perpetual darkness. The air grew bitter, chilling my bones. I awaited the day you would return, defying gravity and rescuing me from the viscous and despairing world in which I now live. That day never came.